Monday, April 23, 2007
Me too?!
My favourite type of caller is the one who thinks by some sort of magical fairy proxy they're exempt from the rules of the Internet. Typically, this happens when there's an outage of some sort just like there was today.
Caller: "So I heard your message about DSL being out, but I'm not able to download my email. I shouldn't be affected too, right?!"
Me: "No, you giant moron." Okay, so I didn't answer like that.... "That's not true. Email is a basic form of using the Internet and when you're trying to send or receive email, you're effectively using the Internet."
Caller: [in complete shock that they somehow don't defy the rules of technology] "Oh. But my DSL light is showing full sync on my modem."
Me: "Yes, but unfortunately the issue is on Bell's end and it doesn't really matter which lights your modem is showing."
Caller: "But I should still be able to get my email, right?"
Me: "No, you won't be able to connect to the Internet in order to do that - as I explained earlier."
Caller: "So you're saying that I won't be able to use my email?"
Me: "Yup."
Caller: "So can you guys call me when it comes back up?"....
Me: "Our systems are already heavily overloaded with people calling about this issue. As a result of that, we would be unable to do so. Just try your connection in a few hours. You'll know it's working when you can get onto the Internet."
Caller: "But what if it doesn't work?!"
Me: "Wait some more." (and never call us ever again)
I had a caller today who had a genuine issue. He was losing sync but due to our outage, we had no real way of judging the outcome of typical testing we do. Furthermore, when he called us last time he called us from work - which is always frustrating when they expect us to flip some sort of magical switch to solve their issue. Terry had dealt with him previously and promised him that the next time he called in we'd open up a ticket without issue. Terry no doubt did this to get this person off the phone and out of his life as well as the fact that he'd done a decent amount of troubleshooting already. He was the sort of dickheaded customer anyone in support of any kind (whether it be technical or customer) loathes due to them not recognising the futility in the situation.
I kept explaining to him that today was not an ideal time to be opening an ticket because we couldn't really see his line stats and where the issue may lie (which we can sometimes tell via line stats). As such, opening a ticket would be a waste of my time and his because his issue may not get solved promptly. He took this as me telling him I didn't want to open a ticket because I was being rude (although he was right in the sense I didn't want to open the ticket for the reasons I'd given him). We went around in circles and he finally demanded to be called back.
Now you see, I have learnt one thing over my years in working support - you put these people on hold they suddenly go away due to their own self-importance and impatience. Hold is the magical button of all customer support. We know it pisses people off. If you piss us off? You get a time out on hold - usually rather prolonged. So, I put him on hold under the premise that I was going to check out whether or not we could call him back about this issue (we sometimes do this) considering the circumstances. While I did genuinely ask for him, when I approached my boss I made sure we shot the shit about how drunk both of us got on Saturday night and pretty much everything other than his issue. You see, he pissed me off because he was just being a dick and wouldn't recogise the futility in his argument. So I put him on hold for longer than usual. Magically, when I got came back to the phone, my phone was ringing and customer x was nowhere to be found.
We have to be nice during our jobs, but trust me we find ways to be evil. Don't even get me started on some of the comments we'll put in your account... That's for another day.
Caller: "So I heard your message about DSL being out, but I'm not able to download my email. I shouldn't be affected too, right?!"
Me: "No, you giant moron." Okay, so I didn't answer like that.... "That's not true. Email is a basic form of using the Internet and when you're trying to send or receive email, you're effectively using the Internet."
Caller: [in complete shock that they somehow don't defy the rules of technology] "Oh. But my DSL light is showing full sync on my modem."
Me: "Yes, but unfortunately the issue is on Bell's end and it doesn't really matter which lights your modem is showing."
Caller: "But I should still be able to get my email, right?"
Me: "No, you won't be able to connect to the Internet in order to do that - as I explained earlier."
Caller: "So you're saying that I won't be able to use my email?"
Me: "Yup."
Caller: "So can you guys call me when it comes back up?"....
Me: "Our systems are already heavily overloaded with people calling about this issue. As a result of that, we would be unable to do so. Just try your connection in a few hours. You'll know it's working when you can get onto the Internet."
Caller: "But what if it doesn't work?!"
Me: "Wait some more." (and never call us ever again)
I had a caller today who had a genuine issue. He was losing sync but due to our outage, we had no real way of judging the outcome of typical testing we do. Furthermore, when he called us last time he called us from work - which is always frustrating when they expect us to flip some sort of magical switch to solve their issue. Terry had dealt with him previously and promised him that the next time he called in we'd open up a ticket without issue. Terry no doubt did this to get this person off the phone and out of his life as well as the fact that he'd done a decent amount of troubleshooting already. He was the sort of dickheaded customer anyone in support of any kind (whether it be technical or customer) loathes due to them not recognising the futility in the situation.
I kept explaining to him that today was not an ideal time to be opening an ticket because we couldn't really see his line stats and where the issue may lie (which we can sometimes tell via line stats). As such, opening a ticket would be a waste of my time and his because his issue may not get solved promptly. He took this as me telling him I didn't want to open a ticket because I was being rude (although he was right in the sense I didn't want to open the ticket for the reasons I'd given him). We went around in circles and he finally demanded to be called back.
Now you see, I have learnt one thing over my years in working support - you put these people on hold they suddenly go away due to their own self-importance and impatience. Hold is the magical button of all customer support. We know it pisses people off. If you piss us off? You get a time out on hold - usually rather prolonged. So, I put him on hold under the premise that I was going to check out whether or not we could call him back about this issue (we sometimes do this) considering the circumstances. While I did genuinely ask for him, when I approached my boss I made sure we shot the shit about how drunk both of us got on Saturday night and pretty much everything other than his issue. You see, he pissed me off because he was just being a dick and wouldn't recogise the futility in his argument. So I put him on hold for longer than usual. Magically, when I got came back to the phone, my phone was ringing and customer x was nowhere to be found.
We have to be nice during our jobs, but trust me we find ways to be evil. Don't even get me started on some of the comments we'll put in your account... That's for another day.
Labels: futility
# posted by loopdokter @ 4:28 PM 
